Friday 15 June 2012

Fathers Day

Fathers Day is not until Sunday,but I believe I will get started writing about it a day or two early,because this may take more than one post to complete.

I wish I could offer up a more or less glowing tribute to my father,as I did with my mother a month or so ago.But I'm sorry to say I cannot.You see,the man was largely an enigma to me.Most of what I'm going to say is informed by either things I've heard him say about himself,or from years of watching him,mostly in childhood years.Still I'm not certain I got it all right.I don't want to judge him morally.That is not the intent of what I'm doing here,though there are some who will more than willingly read that into it,just so they can be justified in taking offense.So be it.

Firstly I need to clear up some misconceptions about my father and myself that have been out there for a number of years.While riding in the back of a car through central New Brunswick,Canada a number of years ago,I was informed that some thirty odd years ago,I left home because I didn't get along with my father.This was,for whatever stated as though it were Gospel fact and for all intents and purposes it was said as though I were not even in the car.Now it may be that the person who said this was lying,or simply misinformed.But to be certain,neither they ,or anyone else for that matter has ever mentioned that to me,never mind checking their perceptions or asking my side of the story.Well,suffice it to say,for now that my reasons for leaving home had very little to do with anything other than economic reality and that,as far as I am aware,not only my father,but both parents were supportive of my decision at the time.But I repeat,it was not a decision that had anything to do with the state or relations with my father.I expect to more fully explain my decision at some future date,either here or elsewhere,but if you're not willing to ask,then you'll just have to wait.

Secondly,there seems to be the rather vicious rumor floating around that once I proclaimed myself Christian,that I came to the conclusion that my father was "going to Hell."Again,I did not and do not think that,not only of my father,but of any other person.Simply put,it's bad theology to hold a belief in any way similar to that.I simply do not and cannot know the condition of another persons soul,nor will I even try.I can see or hear the way a person behaves without necessarily knowing what motivates that behavior,so I will try to regard others in a way that is free from judging their soul.The person who started this rumor should do likewise,or at least come to the source and ask if they believe this to be true.As it is,this seems like an attack on Christian belief with no regard to collateral damage.Nothing new there.

In preparing this blog entry I made several pages of notes,and it's hard to know where to start.Let me say,I don't believe my father was a bad person.I do believe that he carried a heavy burden through this world.As with most burdens,one never knows how heavy it is until one puts it down.And I'm not at all certain that my father ever put his down.He believed in justice,in right and wrong and in trying to live a good a decent life.He believed in doing the right thing,though I'm not certain many of the people he met in life would allow him to do that which he saw as right.You see,being a man is never really easy.Mostly it's being under a state of constant attack no matter what you do.The most you can hope for,it seems to me is the support of one or two dedicated friends that truly know you.I'm not even certain my father had that.I believe that his life was troubled,even haunted by demons that he had no idea how to rid himself of, as much as he may have tried.Years ago,when I was perhaps eight or nine he asked me to be certain, when he died that "Peace In The Valley"was sung at his funeral.I believe peace to have been the greatest longing of his heart.

Before I continue,let me say this.Our father was a good provider.There was always food on our table and a comfortable house to live in.We were not wealthy,nor did we really want for much that we really needed.I did not often hear my mother and father fighting or even openly disagreeing.There may well have been challenges in their marriage.In fact I would be surprised if there were not.But they believed in staying united because of their children,and,ultimately because they promised each other that they would.You don't see much of that in today's world.It is a credit to the man who was my father,whatever else his shortcomings may have been.


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