If you have been reading these blogs on a regular basis,you already know that,among other things I've been using my blog to begin writing a memoir,among other things.Not only will you get an inside look at my life,as ordinary as it is,but I think I will likely be providing commentary from time to time on what exactly is going into the process of creating memoir.So you will get a sort of insiders view,which in my mind seems rather unique.That process is not necessarily aimed at readers as much as it is done just to help me work out in my mind exactly what it is I'm trying to do.It's just an ongoing audit of the process.But you are more than welcome to look in on it.
So I began last week with entries called Memoir/Backstory.Some explanation as to what I'm doing here is in order.Mostly those entries,of which there is at least one more to come,are to set the context of the world,as I understand it in the years prior to my birth.That time is not about me,or my family in the sense of being an actual part of the memoir,but it is important to my understanding of things.
The entries I've made are not based on hard research.There is a time and a place for that,but my memoir isn't it.Just a note about research.It seems so in creditably odd to me that even though I've lived my entire life,I actually need to go back and research it from time to time.The mistake I'm most prone to is fixing some event in a particular year when,in fact it happened in some other year.For that I need research and I attempt to be diligent But I must note that the things I'm writing are"to the best of my recollection".I'm sure if some of my relatives were reading this blog,they might spot some inaccuracies.They are not intentional.
The Memoir/Backstory portion of this memoir is based on things I've been told and things I've witnessed,seen heard etc about the places and people involved.They are my way of making sense out of these things.I do not claim that they are the actual objective truth.Nor is there any deliberate intention to deceive.Keep in mind that what is being written here involves two separate processes.First ,I experienced many things when I was very small.That was the actual living of things which happened a long time ago.Secondly,there is the recall of such things now,many years later.Lets be clear,these two things are not the same thing.It would have been invaluable to me now to have been keeping notes of my life when I was much younger,but I did not do that.Were such notes to exist I'm sure they would in the reading of them seem much different than how I recall things to be.But such is life.The memory is likely a second best source,but it's the only source available to me in many cases.
What you have read so far is simply my impressions.They could well be wrong,based on some misreading of the things I've seen,or was told.Others might well come to a different conclusion as to the people and places mentioned herein.But again,these are just my impressions.
There is no attempt to defame anyone,or settle any scores either real or imagined in the mind of the reader.In my own mind I try to stay as open to different ideas and interpretations of things as I can.I simply find it necessary to allow my mind to make such inquiries as it demands to do.
As I embark on this project,I must note that much of what is there to write about causes me a fair bit of cognitive dissonance.Most people I believe want to think well of the people they encounter on life's road,especially friends and family members.I'm no exception.What I find somewhat unsettling,though is the fact that neither my parents or grandparents were story tellers.There could be many reasons for this but I simply accept that they simply chose not to tell their own life story.Again that leaves me with more to interpret than what I'm really comfortable with.Simply,I wish I had more of those people's stories in their own words.
We should tell the truth,as much as that is possible.From an early age we were taught that.But let me be clear,not all truth needs to be told,or even should be told.My memoir is not for the purpose of shining a light on anyone's nakedness.Having said that, I've become aware of stories in the past that have ethical implications and I want you to know,I've given careful,deliberate thought to whether those stories should ever see the light of day.Some of them will never pass from my lips and,for that I make no apology whatsoever.Other stories provide enough moral or historical edification that they must be told,though they may be hurtful to some people.Please know that being hurtful is the absolute last thing on my mind in the telling of any story.But I'm afraid it may not be altogether avoidable.
Currently I keep notes for this project in a small hard backed coil notebook that I got at the dollar store.I also have something like twenty years worth of journals I've been compiling.I've found those useful.But of my notebooks I was wondering something.Do any of you,my readers feel that you would be edified by having access to my notes?Should I keep the actual notebooks,which are a documentation of my though processes in regards to this memoir,though not necessarily something intended for readers?I'll try to post it as a pole on this blog.If you've taken the time to read,please help me out with your vote.
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